Banjo Threeie: Another Fan Fic
by A Squirrelly Typewriter
Summary: After eleven years, Gruntilda decided to break out of her shackles and break the Lord of Games into pieces, entrapping all of Banjo's friends! Will Banjo and Kazooie save the day once again? Yes, but don't you wanna know how? Rated PG 13 to M for mild subjects.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Hey everyone! I haven't written a fan fiction that wasn't for myself in such a long time, so apologies if my writing is a bit clunky. Ah, who am I kidding. I'm still writing for myself except I'm sharing it with all of you. Eh.

—-

Over the hills and ledges of the friendly green tones of Spiral Mountain, laid a rather dormant town called Showdown Town, a place where rhinos and pigs could shop at their leisure and hang around the town square aimlessly as the dickens. But in the middle of the town was a large, towering arcade machine that cast a shadow over the town.

Yes, it was the Lord of Games' factory, being the prime location of many a video game. Good, bad, mediocre, games that were likened to that of a darkened soul that apparently is rave with "internet reviewers" these days, all of that came from one factory that endlessly churns out all products. And occupying the main floor was its lone worker, a witch named Gruntilda Winkybunion, being held for all eternity to make endless rubbish that will eventually get a four out of ten on review sites.

Gruntilda was once a persistent pest, going from attempting to steal a toddler's beauty for herself, to stealing the life force of the entire Isle O' Hags for herself, to outright stealing Spiral Mountain for herself. Also she might've had a time machine once.

After her last fight though, her motivation and confident whittled to nothing more than mere dust, endlessly and dully carrying out boxes, more boxes, warm milk for her cat Piddles, re-arranging orders, answering to customer complaints, the whole shebang. Day in, day out, never a break nor vacation, for eleven years. It's sure to break someone's psyche.

The witch slammed a box of returned Kinect devices onto a table and growled, misery at her robotic back not being how it used to be. "Eleven years and not a break, how much can this poor witch take.. ?!" At least her rhyming was still in top shape. She looked behind her on one of the crates and saw her boss, Piddles, glaring at her with a prrowl.

"Purrrrll.. I didn't say stop.." She leapt onto the floor and looked up at Grunty. "Dumb ol' witch doesn't know how to work anymore.. prrrr.. maybe tell LOG to get rid of rubbish and replace her with another rubbish. I think I know a certain bobcat or a hedgehog who could fill your position nicely.."

The name "LOG" set Gruntilda off, as she finally smacked the box off onto the floor and squealed, hopping up and down angrily. "GraaaAAAH! LOG this, LOG that! It's all I ever hear! That floating lout will one day feel fear!" She then started kicking at the Kinect devices angrily, stomping them, tossing them, all in all, throwing a huge temper tantrum.

"If that LOG really thinks he can keep me in the workforce, he'll answer to me! I'LL MAKE THINGS WORSE!" Piddles never really saw Gruntilda this angry before. Probably missed her coffee break. Oh wait, she can't drink.. or eat.

"_Ahem_?" Grunty was bashing a device onto the floor when a cold, snarky toned British computerized voice spoke up behind her. It was the Lord of Games himself, floating in place with a disapproving look. "You better be relieved that what you are doing is such camaderies not in production anymore, or you would be in serious trouble."

"Oh, uh.. um." Grunty cheekily grinned, starting to put the devices back in their boxes.

"I see, no rhyming?. I figured, making that tic of yours back some twenty years ago got on my wires quickly." LOG floated around Gruntilda and looked down at her. "You're on thin ice, Winkybunion. I get complaints about you all the time from your ragged feline. Skipping work, skipping duties, skipping rope.."

"I like to pass time with jump rope! Can't you see my dying hope?!"

"**You're missing the point.**" LOG suddenly got into her face, a much grim tone that he so often used to make a point. "I can easily fade you out with a blink of my monitor. One move, and you'll be banished to development hell. A place where all that could potentially be released to the market- don't. You ever wonder what happened to that Jon fellow?"

"I don't know any Jon, I have no idea what you're on." Gruntilda said plainly.

"Exactly." LOG frisked back in front of Gruntilda and looked down at her. "One more outburst like this and it'll be eternity for you. I do hope this will be the last time we have a problem." The lord of Games turned around and started to float away to the doors.

".. " Gruntilda looked at her wrists. Eleven years working in this establishment, her robotic wrists slowly deteriorating away to show off her robotic interior. _She wasn't going to work for eleven more years._

_This will be the last time we have a problem, _she thought, _how powerful will the god be when he's fallen?_

Somewhere deep inside her, flares of the old witch's devious energy had shown up again. Ready for another scheme, another day to ruin the world under her witchy hands! And with a glare at Piddles, that cat stared back with a look that said "well, about time."

"Piddles my dear, tackle the god down. We'll soon bring havoc to this town." Grunty said with a grin as wicked as the day she was born. Ew.

As LOG was about to leave the factory doors, the last thing he had expected suddenly smacked him down to the floor. Claw marks and purple fur rubbed off on the god as he yelled. "Hey, what the BLAZES?!"

Before the god could do anything though, the witch, being all-time reigning champion in sumo wrestling for three years straight in witch school, tackled LOG and held him to the ground face first, his little mouse critters scared out of their mind!

"You're damn right there will be no toil! I'll rule this land and _watch you __**BOIL!**_" The witch ripped open the back cover of LOG's monitor, showing off the various chips that the deity had installed in him. One by one she started yanking them out to the sweet dulcets of the lord's screams of bloody murder, the room started glitching out, causing everyone inside to spaz until a single blip suddenly blinked them out.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA̶̡̢̻͍̻̯̻͔̝̝͝͠A͎̗͍̕͢͠ͅA̷̡̺̳̺̺͖̝̰͍͎̩À̙̰̲͇̰̮͖͙̪̦͓͖̘͢A͏͍̭͎̺̗͖̯̀A͞҉̴͇͍̣̼̙̟̱̤̥̹͈̩A̡̞̺̯̬͍̜̘͖͇̻̫͘͘̕A̯͖͉̼̤̗͎̯͔̲̠͉̣̳͔̗̱̳̲͘͟͝A̶͍̞͙̰̱͚̤̼̪͇͉̜͝ A—-"

BANJO-THREEIE:

ANOTHER FAN FIC

PRESS A TO START

**GAME 1**

GAME 2

GAME 3

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EXTRAS

_Guh-huh!_


	2. LOG's Logged Out

At the same time as LOG's grisly fate was made uncertain by the witch acting out, the sunny and cloudy sky touched down upon the home of the three time, maybe five time heroes of the isle, Banjo and Kazooie. Now, the bear and bird was no stranger to stuff happening at any given moment, having their little sister being kidnapped during a day's rest, their friend being killed during a game of Texas Hold'em, or their days of eating pizza being ruined by a game set by the ethereal lord of all gaming. Where have they been now since 2008?

Outside in the hot summer heat, the bear finished harvesting the crops of carrots, throwing in the last of it in his woven basket to not burden Kazooie out of getting out of her safe spot. The ol' bear felt the heat beating down on him, sweat going down his face and chest as he sighed, relieved that he picked the last of the carrots.

"Mmhm! Dat should be the last of it! How's about it Kazooie, looks good?" Banjo chirped, prompting Kazooie to come out and take an inspection to the basket.

"What I think? I think you shouldn't have bothered and we could've gotten some at the market. Yknow, like real people." Kazooie snarked, still as the dry bird as possible.

"Maybe could use 'em as good carrot juice, if you're willing to say.. _kill them_?" This made the carrots with eyes shriek and leap from the basket, starting to hobble all over the place. Kazooie cracked up while Banjo groaned.

"D'yooooooah! Now ah have to grab 'em all! Ah had a thin' going on and you ruined it."

"Don't hate me, hate how our vegetables have feelings and thoughts, probably living every day with the fear that they'll be chopped and served," The bird looked at Banjo, explaining their world like he hasn't known already. "Maybe their little baby carrots will be watching as the big mean bear eats their daddy up!"

"I'm not a big mean bear.." Banjo murmured lowly, starting to grab some stray carrots as he felt like he was being personally attacked.

In truth, Kazooie didn't even know why she was like this. They had gotten the call to be in Smash more often, and had plenty of scheduled fights with Mario, Diddy, and all of their old and new friends laid out for what seems to be a long time. The least Kazooie could do was to help Banjo carry some, and that's exactly what she did. Leaping out, she snatched some carrots from the grass and threw them back into the basket. "How's this?"

"Nyaaaw, you really do have a heart." Banjo chuckled, almost intentionally doofy like.

"Oh.. _whatever_. I can't get too snarky when we're back with our old friends for the time being. Finally, I get to smash Falco!" Kazooie grinned.. ".. oh, and maybe fight him too."

After they grabbed the last of the carrots, they looked at each other and smiled. "Ya know, Kazooie?" Banjo started, "Ah honestly wouldn't know where I would be if you weren't around. Yer kinda like the backbone, yknow? Heh.. even spend your days in my back."

Kazooie felt like she needed to be huffy, and she was.. with an overwhelming blush to her beak. "I'm just there cause I grew up with you, man. Don't get all mushy. Graaaw.." Banjo snickered, not helping himself to smile at Kazooie blushing.

Right there and then, the bird leapt into the backpack with a _Bree_! The famous video game duo now walking off towards their newly decorated house. No more gaudy Jolly pink, just blue and blue alone. Sorry, Jolly. You'll have to get off somewhere else.

Suddenly, the bear felt his ear flicker. "Hm?" Banjo looked around and heard a faint noise. Something electronic.. and not right. He looked back at Kazooie with a hushed face, almost like a "did you hear that" face, and he knew Kazooie had that face too. Suddenly, the noise grew closer and more apparent, even louder. And like that, the basket they were holding glitched out of existence. The duo stared at where their food was at, mouth agape at what happened. Looking by the waterfall, their surprise was realized when an engulfing purple-black void was starting to close upon them, phasing out everything they grew near and dear to in a horrifying glitched manner, the land fading color and static occupying some of the scenery.

"Oh my fff-!" Kazooie could only muster.

"Kazooie, we gotta run! NOW!" The bear started running from the void, speeding up closer to them before Kazooie leapt out to talon trot both herself and Banjo to gain a bit of traction. They soon realized they were sitting ducks as they had nowhere else to run that wasn't occupied by the buggy vortex of eternity.

"Banjo, the ugly vehicle with your mug on it!"

"Good idea, we just n-" And then he saw it get no-clipped right into the grass, before disappearing completely.

"... _good_." Kazooie gritted her teeth before just attempting to fly on the spot, holding Banjo and trying to flap over their house and mountains that occupied the back. But with every flap, she felt herself and Banjo get sucked harder by the hole, the hellish glitch hole having a grasp on them.

"Kazooie, we're not g̴̣͎̻̖̠̫ͅo̺̣̙͝n̼͇̗̜̝̟̥͜n̠a͈ͅ ͚͠mà̩ḵ̖̻͇̘̺̻e͈̥͎͔̤͍ ͓͓̜͔̰͢i̢t̳̥̭͟!"

"I̪͓̼ ̵K̞̬̤NO̙W!̙͔̖" She cried loud, flapping as hard as she can before the both of them finally got sucked into the vortex, like the rest of Spiral Mountain and the Isle o' Hags."

"A̵AA͏A͟A̢A͝A̶AA̸AAA̷AH!" The bear and bird fell right into the wormhole, falling into what seemed like a giant dark room. They eventually landed with a thud on the cold hard floor, Kazooie next to Banjo.

"Banjo..? Are you okay?!" Kazooie struggled to move forward to Banjo, knocked out cold. Nothing a few slaps to the face couldn't handle.

"W-what the? What's happenin'?!"

"I don't know.. are we dead? It feels like we're dead." Kazooie tried to joke to herself to make light of the situation. A valiant effort at least. "The last thing I knew was.. a pixelly nightmare sucking us and our home up!"

"Oh.." Banjo sat up on his butt, rubbing at his head. "Oh man.. you don't think that the ol' witch is behind all of this, right?"

"I get the creeping suspicion that it is.." Kazooie stood up, shaking a bit from the trauma that they just endured. "It looks like an empty room.. I think I can still hear the outdated console noises."

Banjo stood up and immediately petted at Kazooie's head, something he usually did under stress to help himself keep calm. "Mmmnn.. ah think we need to ask LOG. It feels like more of his line of work to get in these machine type stuff."

"Wait, you mean Radio Head? You're _right!_" Kazooie looked up at Banjo with a determined look. "There's NO way that floating CRT unit can't know what's going on! We gotta find him and ask what the bloody 'ell's going on!"

Banjo was a little less on the hopeful side. "Ah mean we can but.. who knows how long and far this place is? We could be searching for him for hours!"

"Oh please," The breegull started trotting in a single direction. "I'm sure at one point, he'll be right under our noses to answer any quest-BRAAAAH!" Kazooie tripped over a metallic husk, falling over it in a clumsy manner. The bear couldn't help but laugh at Kazooie's misfortune.

"Ahuhuh.. well, when you're right, you're right." This was replied with Kazooie giving Banjo a British middle finger. Banjo merely rolled his eyes. "_Kazooie_.."

"The heck is this? Is Loggo Breath sleeping on the JOB?" Kazooie looked down at the disengaged god, circuitry springing from the back of his monitor. "Hey! God of all things dumb and clickbaity! Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" The bird kicked the god right side up, and to their surprise, the Lord of Games had a large hole in his monitor. Kazooie immediately shrieked.

The bear gasped, feeling his heart skip. "Ohmaigawrsh! What the heck happened?!"

"Holy shit, his face's been broken in!" Kazooie yelled, before the duo saw his speaker mouth move.

"... turn… me on…"

"Ew, no." Kazooie replied, before receiving a hard slap to the back of her head by Banjo.

"He means turn on the monitor." The bed immediately.. uh.. um. ".. how does this work again?"

"OH, for crying out—" Kazooie pulled him over and flicked the on switch, letting the monitor dimly turn on.

The Lord of Games was in a weakened state, his mice were all out of commission, his powers were depleted, and he can't do the cool pause and appear thing that he liked to do.

"The.. old witch.. my chips.. **stolen**."

Banjo and Kazooie looked at each other and lidded their eyes. Gruntilda, yup. The lord continued, "My chipschipschips.. give me power. She.. entrapped your friends.. will take over the world.. she **must** be stopped..!"

Suddenly, his monitor blinks purple and white, and ol' Gruntilda was broadcasting herself from LOG's monitor, possessing the god for a time being.

"ARAAAAHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEE!"

"Gruntilda!" The duo said in unison.

"In the flesh, you idiotic swine! In less than a day, the world will be mine! Try and fail to save your friends, whilst the whole world meets its end! The whole world will be remade square, a giant version of my old lair! AAAAAAAHAAAAHAAAHEEHAHAHAAAA!" She cackled, but suddenly coughed up a stray hairball from Piddles. The transmission was over.

"Mm," Banjo looked at Kazooie and pursed his lips. "Well Kazooie, looks like we're in for another adventure. Only this time, ah think this won't be as easy as the other times."

"I'm _delighted_." Kazooie groaned. "Wait, you said she trapped our friends? Cmon, speak up man!"

LOG's phrases were riddled with glitches and bugs, but the more he spoke the more coherent he gotten. "Your friends are-are.. trapped in each genre of gaming that.. she set up. The chips that give me

p̠̕ow̪e͈̗r̞ l̹̘̯̼͠a͈̳͖̙ỵ̥͖͠ͅ ͙̪s̹̼t҉̠̜̦̝͉uc̖̣͕ͅk̫.̹̦͔͚̟͙͕͢.̛̺ ͚̙͇u͉͓̤̞͎̮p̢̝͖̞̝o̷̭͚͎͇ͅṉ̱̹͖͕̻̤ your friends and are possessing them..! Remove them, and you'll set your friends and give me the power to help you defeat her!"

"_Who_ did she kidnap?" Banjo questioned.

"Anyone you cons-considered- anyone you considered- a friend.. and Mr. Fit."

"AND him? Uuuuuugh! This deal is getting worse and worse. Whatever, fine. Just tell us where to go."

Around the duo, appeared various video game genres and their accompanying games. Banjo looked confused as he hadn't played a video game himself since 2005. Kazooie was equally as confused, but even more unimpressed.

"Uh.. _We Mr. Fit, Just Party, Trophy Tom Racing, Mumbo Party, Bottles Age.._ oh my lord, this is all so dull."

"I'm aaaware.. the old skull in a jar made tho_se_ games. Intentionally dull and broken against you, so you need to reall find a way to b b bb beat the game. s. Pickiness isn't in my co d e." LOG's monitor suddenly went static. "Have limited energy, need to shut down.. best of luck." He then shut down and laid dormant.

"... Well, this is more meta than we've ever been." Banjo looked over at Kazooie, scratching his head.

"Right? But we may as well do ol' Atari Jaguar a favor. I'm dying to kick some witchy butt one more time." Kazooie and Banjo jumped to do a high five together. "Guh-huh!" "Bree!"

"Alright Kazooie, first thin's first is what we're going to go into first. Ah mean, if these are Grunty's games, no doubt any of them will be trying to kill us."

"I dunno. Most if not all of these games look like total rubbish. It's not like there's a cool game like- A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE GAME!?" The breegull practically felt her jaw drop at first sight of a video game appearing in front of them that had King Jingaling, back in his zombified state, posed reaching out at the cover. This made Kazooie giddy as she rubbed her wings. "Hoohoooo! I was sellin' that wrinkled hasbeen short, this is my kinda jam! Getting to survive in a zombie invasion, being all BANG BANG with your shotgun, blowing zombies' brains out and seeing them splatter all over the wall and floor! And-"

"STOP! Please.. Just stop!" Banjo closed Kazooie's beak shut with his paw, and was holding back some vomit himself. "Let's just.. Go in and rescue King Flingaling."

"Man, you're no fun." Kazooie muttered.

And soon enough, they took a running start and leapedinto the game cover, teleporting them to a completely different world full of dread, abandoned cities and streets, and fog. Lots and lots of fog. The bear and bird gulped and looked around, nothing but the streets being deathly quiet. "Banjo, if there's one thing I have to tell you, is that this is the best thing I have ever been in in my entire life."

"Really? Ah think it's the worst.."

"Oh, you handled Mad Monster Mansion, you can handle some silly undead zombies."

Banjo gulped. Ghouls and goblins they've handled well, but zombies? Ones that Gruntilda made? He wasn't completely against it, but he needed something to fire at them with.. Oh right, Kazooie. Thankfully, the breegull was more than willing to become his shotgun once more. And thus, they ventured in deeper into the town's foggy streets, where they were being expected by an unseen, undead force of nature.


	3. Resident Jinjo

The town felt empty, rotten to the core and broken down. The cold air breezed at Banjo's furry exterior, which usually had no effect on him since bears were known for sleeping through the entire winter season. Brown rust carried throughout the vehicles and poles like a skin disease, as some areas of the town were taken over by their natural inhabitants, weeds and vines coiled like an infestation in the manmade city. Nevertheless, Banjo was completely scared out of his mind. Kazooie, however, was loving the experience seeing as she was grinning the entire time. She always thought those little gremlins looked better as undead monsters, and can't wait to see them in action.

"Oh, drop your bollocks, Banjo. This isn't that bad." Kazooie looked back at Banjo, aiming her at wherever he could that he'd expect something to pop up. At cars, post boxes, telephone boxes, enough places to make Kazooie feel dizzy. "_Graaah_, stop it! I may be your volunteered shotgun, but I am NOT a fan of spinning!"

"Sorry, Kazooie. It's just y-you know.. I'm not exactly a fan of horror." Banjo gritted his maw, squeezing at Kazooie's talons. The cold, unnerving atmosphere was starting to get at Banjo, a place unlike wherever he had been before. With each step down the road. A click of Kazooie's tongue rang as she looked back at Banjo.

"Doing okay?"

"Yeah.. maybe things will turn out okay? All we really have to do is just find what ah'm assuming King Ringading, take off that chip, and he'll come back to normal?"

"Yes, that is indeed the exposition, Banjo." Kazooie had to admit, as the old bony witch was dead set in her ways of redundancy, being as shallow as can be with her trivia games and humdrum presentation as of recent, she _knew _how to make a horror game that made her adrenaline rush through her entire body. A few more steps and there seemed to be nothing worth talking about.

What was there, however - was a building. An abandoned dataDyne building with blood dragged from the skirts of the streets inside of it. A sick invitation to the duo. Banjo could barely talk, nor help the feel that this was a bad idea. They had to save Jingaling, though. A good hero is a selfless one.

"Alright, Kazooie. It's time for us to shoot some zombies.." Banjo sighed.

"Yeah yeah YEAH YEAH! Let's DO IT!" Kazooie rubbed her wings in excitement, as the bear walked inside. All over the place were tables flipped over, papers strewn all over the place, and more blood spattered all over the floor and wall. "Hey Kazooie, if you don't mind me, I'd like to probably try Mumbo's Party first.."

"Oh sorry, I thought you were the hero?"

"I _aaaaam_! I'm just.. not used to this much blood where I come from!"

"We beat up Lord Woo Fak Face."

"That is entirely different! They were boils! And— _what was that?_" Banjo suddenly aimed at a corner, an impish black shadow munching on a figure lying on the ground. The zombie Jinjo suddenly stopped and stood up on his feet, and looked back at the duo. His eyes were tinted purple from the influence of Gruntilda's power, and his skin was a pale orange that was more apparent with the dimly lit lights shining through the room.

Suddenly, the Jinjo started to follow at them, head tilted aside with a gurgling noise from their mouth, blood spilling out.

"Gnnnngh!" Banjo started to fire Kazooie's signature blue eggs at him, striking him down and lodging an especially hard egg into his eye socket. "AAAAAAARGCK!" He called in pain.

"Banjo, this is not a good thing, we need to get out of here." Kazooie looked up at him, and what do you know, four more Jinjos sprouted from the back to attack the duo.

"Gaaah! Okay, I'm gonna regret this but.." He looked up at one of the hanging fluorescent lights, and shifted his Kazooie to fire egg mode before taking fire. Soon, the lamp fell to the ground in flames, engulfing two of the Jinjos whom screeched bloody murder.

"Nice going, Banjo! You really do have some survival instincts in ya after all!"

"No talking, now fire!" Banjo wasn't the type to do some cheesy one liners about Jill sandwiches, and fired some more fire eggs at the other Jinjos, some just arriving to meet their fate! Kazooie was having way too much fun. "AAAAARGHH!"

"Hahaha, that one was for calling me a stork the other day!" Shots were fired, "and THAT was for calling me an ol' buzzard!"

"Hey, Kazooie, I know yuh think this is all awesome and stuff, but we need to find the king." Suddenly, a little figure scuttled through the floor. It was hard to see at first, but with a turn of their bodies they saw a little pink creature, morphed into some horrendous ugly being that gargled and chittered. "Is.. that Toots?" Banjo said in horror at what Gruntilda has turned her.

"Hurry, fire me!" Kazooie yelled.

"But, what if King Jingaling finds out we hurt-"

"He's under Grunty's control! He'll understand!" The flames from the lamp slowly spread across the room, engulfing some tables. "Speaking of, we oughta get out of this building before we're roasted beef." The two started to exit the dataDyne building before a lumbering large figure stood at the doorway, reeking of filth and dark green veins covering his skin, eyes whitened and mouth agape. A visible chip shaped like a jigsaw piece was connected to his neck, but otherwise the robe, slippers, necklace and crown made it all too apparent who it was.

It was King Jingaling.

"Mmrrrroooaaaaah.." the Zombie Jinjo King spilled.

Kazooie was honestly getting tired of the whole zombie scene. "Yeah, hi. We came to rescue your sorry Jinjo ass. So if you just let us take that stupid chip off of your neck, we can be on our merry-"

But with immense strength, the king rushed and tackled Banjo to the ground, pushing Kazooie aside near the flames that roared in the room. "GAAAAH!"

"Kazooie!" Banjo screamed with true fear tinging his voice, looking at her before seeing that the king was on top of him! His beak rotted of death, and his breath smelled of rancid expired scones. "King Chickenwing, it's us! Don't you remember?!" He pleaded for the king to remember, the chip having a strong effect on him.

The zombie bared his teeth and opened up, ready to devour his face and skin off. "RraaAAAAGH!" The breegull, thinking fast, fired a grenade egg that blew Jingaling off of Banjo. This lead to the bear immediately taking off and grabbing Kazooie with him, holding her up at Jingaling who was now standing up, wrinkled and skin burning up. This one was a tough one to bring down. "Brrrreeghns…"

Banjo fired Kazooie's blue eggs at him, hoping they would stop him in his place, but to no avail. "Banjoooo, he's not stopping! DO SOMETHING EEEELSE!" Kazooie's voice itself was wrought with fear.

The bear couldn't keep his cool any longer, and brought Kazooie closer to him. "Hey, w-wait! At least tell me what you're-" Banjo wound up for the aim, using Kazooie as a makeshift bat. As Jingaling was arrive closer, he used all his bear power to take a hard swing at the Jinjo King's skull, forcing Kazooie's beak to break inside his head and spatter our a ton of blood all over her beak. The lumbering zombie was down for the count.

"Banjo, what the bloody hell did you do _that_ for?!" Kazooie yelled, with Banjo gritting his teeth harder and his heart beating.

"Ah'm SORRY! He was about to kill us and ah needed a way to save us!" Banjo whined, before Kazooie looked at him and chuckled. "Ahah.. well you did something at the very least." The duo looked at the zombie, moaning and onto the ground as blood spilled. He slowly started to get up again, and the duo decided not to risk it.

"Oh no you don't!" The bear swung Kazooie at Jingy's head again, dislocating his beak and causing the king to cry out in pain. As he whined about his nose and his body more engulfed in flames, Kazooie hopped off of Banjo and reached for the chip. The breegull yanked it off from his neck and the entire arena glitched in a buggy mess.

"aaaAAAAAA͉̱͓A̻̤Ạ͖͕A̟̣̞͍A͓̙̤͕A̪͈̭̬͍̠͞ͅA͉̱͓A̻̤Ạ͖͕A̟̣̞͍A͓̙̤͕A̪͈̭̬͍̠͞ͅ" A hellish scream roared out from the possessed king, his skin flushing from pale green veins to smooth and gentle yellow, eyes blinking back to green, and his voice from low and monstrous to chipper and posh.

Some various loud noises later, Banjo and Kazooie's wounds were healed, the two back to where they had started, the hub world.

King Jingaling stayed as close as he did when they were fighting, but as soon as the game glitched out, he instantly glitched back to his former alive and kingly self, falling to the floor. "Oooaoooh.. w-what happened?"

Jingaling turned and laid on his back, having a severe headache and blinking his eyes open and shut again to the duo. "B-Banjo? Kazooie? What are you two guys doing here?" He took a look at the place around him and squinted. "And uh, what _is _here? Why is the room dark? Are we about to do a surprise party?" The king looked at the duo, still catching their breath.

"You.. were kidnapped by Gruntilda and became a.. a zombie again." Banjo panted.

"I.. I WHAT?!" Jingaling was horrified at the prospect of being a zombie again.

"Yup," Banjo replied, "an' yer people were zombies too.. It wasn't much fun shootin' em, but it was quite liberating for Kazooie."

"M-my people were zombies?! You SHOT at them?! .. Where's my Tootsie?!" Immediately after, an electricity bolt shot out in front of Jingaling, and Toots was in his lap, back to normal and mortified out of her little mind.

"Aah.. shh shh, hold on Tootsie, it's okay.." He geld onto her and petted her, "Don't fret, don't.."

The dignified king looked up at the duo with such a grateful smile. For the duo still trying to compose themselves, a much welcome one after witnessing the king attack them in his zombified form. "Why, I do owe you an apology.. I'm so sorry if I caused you any trouble if I was really possessed.."

"It's nothing at all, King Pingaling!" Banjo smiles and held out a hand to help Jingaling up, which he accepted graciously. "Ah guess we know Gruntilda isn't just playing cookies and cream with us this time now, she really means business if she's gone to use our pals against us."

"That is most daunting.. also it's Jingaling. Jing, A, Ling."

"We'll try to remember, King Zingading." Kazooie replied.

Off by them, some moans were heard. Banjo and Kazooie felt their skin jump as they thought to be more Jinjo zombies coming at them, but it turned out to be the moans of some Jinjos lying down in pain, back to normal with their rainbow colored selves.

"Oh dear.. my people." Jingaling witnessed with such holy terror. "Reduced to being pawns for the witch's sick games.. I can't let this stand, you two." He looked back at Banjo and Kazooie with such a determined look. "If you don't mind me, I'll be more than thrilled to join your quest into rescuing the rest of the Isle O' Hags and bringing the witch down!"

The duo looked at each other. What did he say? That _he_ would be joining _them?_ ".. I'm sorry, what did you say?" Kazooie replied.

"That I'll be joining you. I won't be on the sidelines this time. I'll be joining the both of you into saving your friends.. my friends too." The king snapped his fingers and nodded. "I may not look like a heavy hand to deal with, but I assure you, I have a good sense of knowledge and wisdom behind my girth."

"Hold onto that thought." Banjo and Kazooie huddled.

"Banjo, Are you _sure? _I'm more than used to us two going on adventures, I'm not willing to do third or forth wheels..!"

"Kazooie, we need all duh help we need. Grunty overthrew the Lord of Games, for LOG's sake!"

".. Alright, you have a good point. It's either more dunces by our side, or in the graveyard."

The duo dispersed and looked back at the king with excited smiles. "Alright, Kingaling! We'll save the rest together!" Banjo chirped, holding out a hand to shake the king's hand.. Before realizing the king had a fist balled, in an attempt to do a fist bump.

"Oh, uh, were you going to do a fist-"

"No no, my apologies, I never thought to shake your hand."

"Okay, let's just.." The two tried to alternate between an open hand and a balled first, making the entire exchange look like the worst rock paper scissors game ever. This quickly annoyed Kazooie as she yelled.

"OH, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD! CHEST BUMP ALREADY!"

Huh, never thought of that. The Jinjo King and bear readied their chests, leaping and bumping them into each other. "Guh-huh!"

"Ahem, you don't mind me bringing one of my subjects along, right? I've entrusted him to be my personal assistant, and I really think he could be of good help as well." Jingaling looked over at one of the Jinjos and whistled at him. "Twig! If you're okay, please stand up!"

An orange Jinjo from the pile of passed out Jinjos started to get up. He was an ordinary Jinjo of course, nothing special about him at first glance.. Except his role in the castle. He walked over to the king and bowed. "At your service, your highness!"

"Alright, now who's this joker?" Kazooie groaned, an original character? Really?

"This here is Twig. He is a trusted assistant to the throne in which I personally have chosen, and has a sister named.. Um, Twitter, was it?"

A chuckle came from Twig, reasonably high pitched but not annoyingly so. "Tweeter, your majesty."

"Right, Tweeter. Anyways, he's always helped out with whatever dilemmas I have had in the past, and I am sure he'll help out alongside with me in your quest!"

The Jinjo bowed again, making the bird think he was nothing but a suckup. "It would be my honor, my liege! I shall give my life to you, as well as the heroes of the Jinjo Village oh so very long ago!"

"Cut the crap, you." Kazooie blandly said, before getting smacked at the back of the head by Banjo.

Suddenly, the over-pleasantry ceased. "Oh, okay fine," Twig muttered, standing up straight. "I'm not exactly keen to help you personally, but you _are _one of the heroes that saved our kingdom."

Banjo chuckled, rubbing at the back of his head. "Heh heh.. Well I get that. Now let's just go find LOG and- OH MY GOSH, LOG!" Banjo completely forgotten about the entire reason why they're in this situation, running over to his seemingly lifeless shell. He got out the jiggy-shaped chip, slipping it inside LOG's monitor. He suddenly flew up above ground and regenerated at least some of his power.

"It took you poor souls enough time to remember me." The lord snarked.

"Hey, we can very well take that chip out and smash it to the ground. See which soul is poor after that."

"KAZOOIE!" Banjo scolded.

"I'm.. going to push that aside, because at this instant it hurts to feel anger. This chip will be of much important throughout your quest. The witch stuck these on your friends, and the more chips you return, the more power I can regain. Whilst I can't send you to Gruntilda now, I can however open up another game for you to go into. Rinse and repeat, another collectathon that you'll be going on about. Because people love to eat those up." The Lord of Games explained.

".. I'm going to take that chip out." Kazooie started to get out of that backpack before King Jingaling forced her down the backpack. "Wah- hey! LET ME GO! I SAID LET ME GOOO!"

"Hmm.." Banjo looked over at the games and picked one of them. Both Jingaling and Kazooie stopped to look at it.

"That? I don't know if I would have chosen that one, but if it regains more of my ability, I will send you on your merry way." The Lord said, before nodding his head. Soon enough, a bolt of electricity shot down onto the game cartridge, making it glow and ready for entry.

"Alright, y'all. One down, more to go!" Banjo encouraged Kazooie and his new partners.

And soon enough, they ventured into the game, who knows where they will be next.


	4. Mumbo Party

"While those fools are distracted by games, I'll have their entire world in chains!"

Gruntilda was intensively mashing away at the keyboard and clicking away at her mouse, which was one of LOG's pet mice forced to serve out her function. "Now to continue my programming, to reboot the island under my likening!" Looking at the monitor, she saw that they had already rescued that traitor Jingaling! Her eyes widened in surprise and she gasped. She made a huge mistake not paying more attention to that first game, making it a point to control the stipulations, rules and physics against the heroes. "They got past the undead Jinjos?! Well, they'll certainly hit their lows!"

Gruntilda looked at her Mumbo Party disc running in the system, spinning around as it ran on a television monitor. "If they're looking for a quick victory," the witch then pressed some buttons, hacking into her own shoddy game. She then set the amount of turns to _infinity_.

"Then let's see them try to win at INFINITY!" With a loud cackle, she smashed the button to set the stipulation into place. That bear and bird will have a rude awakening, they will.

_Loading..._

As they appeared on the party map, it felt incredibly corny. The entire arena looked like a condensed version of Mumbo's Mountain, except with a clear trail of red, blue, and mystery spots. Almost like a party game.

"Wow, this has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever seen." Kazooie groaned. King Jingaling on the other hand absolutely adored the idea.

"Oh, how fun! I've always wanted to do this sort of thing with my kingdom. A real life party game! It would've had a giant pair of die, some Jiggies if they're still worth anything, some spots where we would duel, a-"

"Jingaling, not to interrupt or anythin', but we need to save Mumbo." Banjo killed the excitement from the king swiftly.

"O-oh, right. My apologies." The king grinned and felt himself turn red a little. "I just get very excited over this sort.. Wait a second." Jingaling looked around for his little servant, and looked back up at the two. "Oh dear, my subject Twig is missing!"

"Oh, hold onto your crown, King Chickenwing, we'll find him. Probably hasn't strewn off too far.." Kazooie muttered.

The duo took a few steps forward onto the starting line until a blare of music trumpeted out on the map. Suddenly, a Gruntbot popped up in front of three of them, wearing a mushroom cap.

"_We-we-we-welcome, to Mumbo's Mountain!" _He yelled out with audible gears being heard from within the metal body, clanking together. "I am your robotic guide, Granty! That mountain you see behind me is Mumbo's Mountain! Your goal is to get as much Golden valuable Jiggies as possible to win the game, and become the Super Star of Mumbo Party!"

"Yeah, okay, and then we'll get our skull boy back after we win, right?" Kazooie wanted to waste no time, if it meant actually _beating _the game to save Mumbo.

"Oh, of course!" Granty looked at his notebook and skimmed through to see their settings. "Hmm, the stipulations you've set for this round.. four players, no handicaps, CPU players set on hard.. oh, and **an infinite set of turns.**"

The heroes widened their eyes. Banjo and Jingaling looked at each other in shock, while Kazooie snickered. "Hahaha, good one. I never knew robots could tell jokes.. but seriously, how many turns?"

Granty ignored this question. "Oh, it appears you're missing a player! Hmm, that can't be good, no no, we need to add a fourth player!"

The breegull was starting to get worried, and called out for the bolt head to reply to her, waving her wings and leaping in place. "Hey, Danger Will Robinson! Answer me! HEY!"

Suddenly, a figure appeared behind the three players. A familiar shaman who has equally purple and green tinted eyes as Jingaling did under Gruntilda's control. "YEEHOO! I'AAAAM THIBBIST!" Mumbo apple in an uncharacteristically high voice, posing with a thumbs up, and one of his skull feathers moved above his lip as a mustache.

"Oh no.." Banjo looked at Kazooie, equally disturbed by what Gruntilda has done with their friend. "Grunty's done worse than I thought to poor Mumbo!"

"I know! If I knew I would have to listen to that voice, I would've let King Shrinkydink stay a zombie to murder me!"

"Ahem." The king crossed his arms and tutted at Kazooie.

"Well, I would."

Some die appeared over each of their heads, and in the order of them playing would be Banjo first, Mumbo second, Jingaling third, and Kazooie fourth.

"Oh, NO FAIR!"

Granty merely kept his composure. "No-no-no rerolls, sorry. Not. Get enough notes and you'll be able to grab Jiggies from the Jiggy Stand over there." He pointed to a Jiggy Stand, with Twig being kept in place with a ball and chain, forced to play his role. "Help! Help meee!"

"Aaaaagh, that hag's gotten us. We need to play her game until we can figure out how to get rid of that chip from Mumbo!" The king felt like it was a duty to help the two who have saved his people as much as they could in the past, with Banjo nodding.

"Uh, hello? We're basically stuck in this game for all eternity!" Kazooie looked at the bear.

"That may be so, but if the ol' hag's games are as bad as they are, we could prolly exploit'em in our favor!"

Kazooie stopped rambling, then brought a wing to her chin and stared down, pondering. "You know Banjo, that just might be conveniently stupid enough to work in our favor."

"Guh-ha-hyuck, ah try." Banjo gave a cheesy grin.

And so, Banjo rolled his dice and got a good five spaces. Right into the blue square. He got three notes! "Gwa-hoo!"

The possessed Mumbo rolled the dice and got one space. Immediately, he was rewarded with a twenty five note bonus.

"Excuse me?!" Kazooie yelled out loud, immediately trying to move after Mumno but finding herself stuck in place. "You.. can't do.. that.. you freakin' CHEATER!"

"YAHA!" Mumbo screeched, fist bumping in the air as he had enough notes to get a jiggy.

Gruntilda, in her control room, was grinning gleefully and giggling. Even if she didn't NEED to make Mumbo win, she had lots of fun toying with the other players and making them lose. "Their anger and rage will be their undoing, see them rage as I keep on screwing! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!"

The king rolled his dice, and landed on a red space behind Banjo. "Oh, nuts. Well, I suppose I'm on the opposing side.."

Finally it was Kazooie's turn. She threw the dice as hard as she could, and moved up nine spaces. Same with Jingaling, it was a red space.

Granty then flew in on a jetpack, looking at every player. "Hoohooo! _Okay_! We've got ourselves a two versus two match! Bear and Skullman versus Big Bird and Parrot!"

"I'm a BREEGULL!" Kazooie yelled, spitting out various eggs at him that he tactfully missed. "And furthermore, this whole game is stupid and so are you! I wouldn't be surprised if you were in charge of producing this game, since it's producing nothing but A RAGING HEADACHE!"

"I.. I dddidn't…" Do robots feel sadness? It appears Granty did, as he suddenly cried oil fluids and bawled, flying off stage and leaving the four off to be teleported to a minigame.

".. guys?" Twig was left to occupy the Jiggy space all alone. "Hello..?"

And as they appeared on the minigame field, all four of them on bouncy balls. "YAHOO! HERE WE GOOOO! YAAHAAA!" Mumbo yelled. For without the Gruntbot to schedule which mini game they should be in, the game couldn't compute properly!

Gruntilda merely shook her head, disgusted at the Gruntbot showing such dumb emotions. "Robots with emotions make me gag! A lesson learned in engineering for the old hag.. I feel that this game will be the last of the duo, now to work on my inevitable conquest to rule!" She flipped on a random game for the four to be stuck in forever, as she went off to get some pretzels and soda. "PIDDLES! Is my evil snacks ready yet?! I want to rule the world with my hunger met!"

And because of such negligence from the witch, the players appeared in a circle.. on bouncy balls. Banjo, Kazooie, and Jingy looked at their large balls and groped at them with their feet. "Huh, never been on one of these before." Kazooie muttered.

But before Kazooie could get too used to having balls under her, the mini game started.

START!

"What the?!" Immediately, Mumbo went after Kazooie, bouncing into her and attempting to push her off. "AH! Quit it, you mustachio'd douchebag!" Kazooie moved out of the way, and immediately the shaman targeted Banjo. It was clear to the three heroes that they needed to gang up on him. "Kazooie! Dinglehopper! We gotta work together to get that chip offa Mumbo!"

"Yeah, but we don't even know where it is!" Jingaling said, saying a line because he doesn't have enough in this story anyways. Immediately, he saw the chip against the back of Mumbo's skull. "Oh."

"Looks like Mumbo is about to get skullf-"

"KAZOOIE!"

"I was ABOUT to say skullboned!"

"... KA.. zoo.. ie?" Nevertheless, Banjo and Kazooie started to gang up on Mumbo.. before promptly knocked out of the arena into the water by broken game physics. "WAAAH!" Banjo and Kazooie were instantly knocked out of the arena whilst Mumbo was just standing there. Doing nothing. Mumbo was close to winning by doing nothing. This was then left up to Jingaling, who was more than skilled at these nondescript copyright friendly party games, as well as having plays with his balls as the owner of the Jinjo Bingo Enterprises. He and his subjects were experts at fondling with their-

Um, sorry.

King Jingaling revved up himself, and started to charge at Mumbo, who was equally charging at Jingaling. The two balls bounced, as the two glared at each other. The possessed shaman versus the king of bingo and Jinjo. He's a king of a lot of things that end with O. The Jinjo King bounced his ball in place, and leapt off it, charging at Mumbo with his rarely used airborne ability. "JINJOOOOOO!"

And BAM, down went the shaman as he's knocked to the grass, groaning. As he didn't technically fell off the stage, he wasn't in danger of losing. Jingaling knew he wasn't going to let this opportunity pass up though, and rushed over to Mumbo to grab at the Jiggy shaped chip. With a yank, the Jinjo King yanked it off Mumbo, and the game instantly glitched out. Immediately, Banjo and Kazooie fell to the ground once again, and groaned.

"Graaaah, can't we go one chapter without falling to the damn ground?!" Kazooie whined.

"I think I just saved Mumbo, seeing as that I have this chip in my hand." Jingaling waved around the jiggy shaped chip. Immediately, Twig ran up to Jingaling's leg and hugged at it. "Oh, my sire, I didn't expect adventuring to be this hard!" The Jinjo King smiled and patted at the back of Twig's head. Dawwwwwwwww.

"Oh, you were literally a background character, it wasn't that hard." Kazooie said before getting a smack to the back of her head by Banjo. Immediately, she snapped back and pecked at her partner's head. Before they did yet another fight-banter, a staff separated the two. Mumbo's staff, to be clear.

"Woah, woah. Mumbo not know what happen here, but need shave unsightly facial.. And explanation of what going on."

Then the bear and bird clued him in, and without wasting more time on exposition, Mumbo nodded. "Mumbo see, witch back and bear and bird need handsome shaman's help once again."

"I wouldn't say 'handsome'. A zero out of ten at best." Kazooie snarked, rolling her eyes. "Well," Banjo looked at the third game they would be in. "It looks like our next game would be.. Jolly Dance." He said with a bit of a shiver. Banjo respected Jolly and the way he swung.. But he really wished the frog didn't swing towards him.

"Right," Jingaling grinned and placed the second chip back inside LOG's compartment, briefly re-activating him and having him stare at the heroes. "Oh yes, you brought back the one who was useful for two games."

"ALL games."

"Nope, two games." LOG gleamed before twinging and feeling his television screen short out bit. "Ggdfhfgkhhgg- - - - - - I'll activa̖ṱ̣̣̪̗̙̘e̴̬ ͝yo͓̺̮̮͇̰̩̕u̥r̹̰͔͈̬̪͝ͅ ͓̲̩͚̘n͖͙̺e̺͡ͅx͓̺̰̹̗͜ț̶̗̝ ̙̣͠**g̣͓̻̖a a a a̖̲͉͇ṃ͍̼̕e**…"

And soon enough, LOG opened up the entrance to Jolly Dance, a game where you must do nothing but dance, dance, dance! "In ret-t-trospect, I didn't expect dancing games to still be relevant this year, but eh. That's what the E rated audiences like."

"You mean like, kids?" Banjo asked.

"Of course. You don't think I would keep making cash-in video games for nothing, right? Some of them break my soul, like that damned Bee Movie gam- I'm wasting your time here, JUST GO**-o-ooo-OO!**"

Twig stayed behind, as he wasn't interested in dealing with games and such anymore after the traumatizing event of being an engineered space on a game map to give out stars- I mean Jiggies. The bear, bird, jinjo and shaman entered into the next game, hoping it wasn't as disappointing as this chapter.


	5. Jolly Dance 2020 Only For the Wii

Banjo and Kazooie weren't exactly on the most social terms with Jolly, him not being as.. What's the worst? Kept to himself, as much of Banjo's other friends were. King Jingaling was friendly if not a bit eccentric, Mumbo was kind of a blowhard but was all up for beating Gruntilda yet again, Jolly? The interaction that Banjo could recall most vividly was an intoxicated tall frog trying to get them to try his Seaman's Surprise. With his hot pink pants around his legs. The bear shivered as he recalled. Here's to hoping this will be over quickly, Banjo thought. Kazooie had the same thoughts too, even if watching the bartender turned black market dealer hitting on her friend was funny.

As soon as the duo and their friends entered the portal to the game, they were instantly pummelled by the loud, rampant music that affected their sensory. Banjo shut his eyes and closed his ears, yelling out loud; Kazooie was gritting her teeth and zipping the backpack shut. The heroes stumbled upon a rave party, full of color-blinding flashy lights and loud booming music that shook the large building up and down. In the middle of it all was a color changing stage with a crowd surrounding something, a dancing reprogrammed Jolly Roger! Or Dodger!

"IT'S JOLLY!" Banjo yelled to the others. Sadly, the music was that overwhelming.

"WHAT?!" Mumbo replied, "MUMBO NO HEAR! MUSIC REALLY LOUD!"

"I do say, I don't suppose someone can turn this music off, right?!" Coming from Jingaling, the party king himself, this was a huge statement.

"Guuhhh! KAZOOIE! WE NEED TO TURN THE MUSIC OFF!" The bear unzipped at his pack, with an annoyed Kazooie shooting her head out. "Graaaah! I WAS AVOIDING THIS STUPID MUSIC BEFORE-"

"Yeah! We need to SHUT IT OFF!" The bear was cringing hard and starting to tear up at the eyes from the sensory overload. He grabbed at Kazooie and dove into the crowd, trying to find a good place to stop the music. Moving and weaving across the tall figures and strafing towards the large speakers that took up a good chunk of the room space. Walking around it, he found a bunch of outlet strips nestled up against a single socket, spouting off bits of electricity and being generally unsafe to keep plugged in.

"Alright, do you want us to unplug it or-" Banjo started.

"WHAT?!" Kazooie replied.

"AH SAID, DO YOU WANT US TO UNPLUG IT OR DO-"

"DO YOU WANT US TO BUTTCHUG IT?! GROSS, BANJO!" This bit was getting ridiculous.

"NO! I MEAN-"

"Graaaaaaah- SCREW THIS!" Kazooie yelled, before shooting a single grenade egg at the socket. As soon as Banjo saw what type of egg was shot out, he immediately ran in the opposite direction before the big explosions hit. Wires and pieces of speakers were scattered across the dance floor, getting everyone's attention towards the bear and bird who were on the floor, shying away from being hit by any debris. The music stopped, but the noise started up again with the audience and clubbers who were having fun booing at the duo.

"Wuh-oh, Banjo. Looks like we made them mad."

"Well, at least the music's stopped..!" Suddenly, a loud, dainty voice was heard over one of the working intercoms, fuming with rage.

"MY. CLUB. YOU RUINED. MY.. CLUB!" A sharp feedback was then heard as the microphone was dropped to the floor, a slim figure donning a gaudy magenta Village People outfit called out the duo from the stage. It was Jolly Roger, dressed up like Glenn Hughes!

"Oh, my, GOD. I can't EVEN. YOU TWO, ON STAGE. **NOW!**" Jolly ordered the two to come up on stage, his silver necklaces beating against his slimy frog chest. "You two are NOT going to just ruin MY club and get away with it!"

".. Is that ugly looking simpleton talking to us?" Kazooie looked over at Banjo.

"Kazooie, that's Jolly! We gotta get that chip offa 'im!"

"Yeah, but we don't even know where it is!" Suddenly, the duo was again interrupted by the frog.

"Uh, HELLO. Am I being IGNORED HERE? MY NEEDS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"

"Ah dun' like it when he yells.." Banjo and Kazooie walked up onto the dance floor to look up at the possessed frog, looking back at Mumbo and Jingaling, who were pushed along to stand with the duo.

"So, YOU think you can just waltz up in my club, and ruin everyone's fun?! HMPH, that makes me so ANGRY. Ooer!" Jolly was livid at this point, yet Kazooie couldn't stop laughing at that soft feminine voice sounding so angry.

"Pahaha, what, are you going to hit us with pillows? What can you possibly do to punish us?" The breegull always being the one to tempt fate, she couldn't possibly expect Jolly to do anything she hadn't faced before.

With a wicked grin, the froggy snapped his fingers. Instantly, the arena went dark except for a single purple colored spotlight shone on him. A rave beat started to play across the building, giving everything a slight rumble.

"We're gonna dance-off, cutie~." The frog undid his black leather jacket and revealed his green lean chest, tapping his shoes onto the floor. Jolly then thrusted his body and gyrated his hips in a circular motion, still staring at them. "Me versus all of you. Winner gets to be the dance champion, loser gets banned for life! Ooer!~"

Our heroes immediately stared at the frog, Banjo and Kazooie shielding their eyes, Mumbo looking unimpressed, and Jingaling rolling his eyes.

"Pffft, frog think dance moves impressive? Mumbo show you how to boogie." The skull-headed shaman instantly threw his staff at the floor, jumping forward to shimmy his shoulders and shake his hips, dancing to the beat. He looked back at the others and grinned. "Come on, dancing not so bad, unless you big turkeys!"

Banjo was never much of a dancer, in fact he absolutely _hated _dancing in front of other people in fear of embarrassing himself. It felt super awkward having to shake his body in front of other people, and usually it ended with Banjo running off to drink some water and sit out some heavy dance parties. Kazooie was usually bolder than Banjo, but there was no way she would want to dance against a sweaty, creepy frog.

"Ugh, fine." Kazooie muttered, leaping out onto the rave floor and half-heartedly dancing away. She was walking back and forth, keeping her head in a fixed place. "Oooo, I'm dancing, ooooh." Yeah, she was not going to beat the bad guy this time.

"Uh.." Banjo blinked, then did some dumb disco dance moves, finger pointed up into the air and his hips shaking in place before he quickly stopped. "Ah'm sorry, I.. no thank you." The heroes of this fanfic who risked dying multiple times to save the day, just couldn't bring themselves to be humiliated to save their friend.

"Hmmhmm," King Jingaling chuckled and stepped up onto the dance floor. He wasn't called the Boogie King for nothing! The Jinjo King clapped his hands and shook his hips and rump, moving his arms in a circle and grinned. "You're missing out, you two! I do think this is a fun genre!"

"Noooo, I think we're good," Banjo looked at Kazooie, who had quickly stopped dancing as well, "right Kazooie?"

"Sure, yeah. Let's just.. Get some drinks and watch this mess. Preferably far away." The duo walked away from the dance floor and grabbed some vacation juice.. Which was a glass of OJ with some sunglasses topping it off.

Banjo and Kazooie watched from afar as he saw Jolly going up against Mumbo and Jingaling, hoping that either of them could outlast Jolly. Quickly, Kazooie got bored of playing by the rules of the game. She wanted to be beating up people, not watching people get sweaty by dancing! "Graaaah, I can't take it! We need to get that chip!" Kazooie threw away her vacation juice, plastering it all over a bystander's face. "Got any bright ideas, Banjo?"

Taking initiative, Banjo tried to think about how they can take down the possessed dance freak. "... uh, he's a cold-blooded animal, right? Maybe if we put some ice on him, he'll lose the dance contest?"

Kazooie immediately threw the idea away, "That's gotta be the stupidest way to take down a frog!" She then glanced over at Jingaling slowly but surely getting tired, the weight on him starting to wear out as Mumbo and Jolly danced on, face to face.

"I.. phew.. I admit.. He has some really great energy to.. Dance like that!" The king panted, looking at the frog as he did the splits, springing back up and kept dancing the night away. The Jinjo eventually slumped off stage and walked over to the bear and bird, who were trying to think of a plan.

"Maybe we can grab a bucket of ice, fly it over his head, and drop it all over-"

"But dat would mean we have to steal from the bartender! An' ahm no criminal.." Banjo moaned. What a cinnamon biscuit.

"The bartender is a nameless, faceless NPC, Banjo! It doesn't matter if- _Whattya want?_" Jingaling was suddenly met with Kazooie glaring at him, in the middle of a banter with her bestie.

The king cleared his throat, ".. Ahem, apologies for intruding, but you do realize you can shoot ice eggs, right?"

"... I shoot the egg, you two tackle him."

"Excuse me?!" Jingaling exclaimed, but Banjo nodded attentively. "C'mon, Chickenwing! It's to save LOG! Uh, and Jolly!"

"Oh, alright. You're lucky I partook in some Jinjo Football as a youngling."

As Banjo and Jingaling stood their ground, Kazooie made a running start and took to the air! The large arena made it easy to fly in such a building, but it wasn't easy. Maneuvering away from wires, spotlights and disco balls wasn't an easy feat! Mumbo barely looked up and figured that stinky bird had a plan.

"Uh, sweetie?" Jolly said in a passive aggressive tone. "What's wrong, Boney? Can't keep up with the Dance King?" Jolly smirked and started to flop on the floor, doing the worm.

The shaman sneered, was this all he had? Basic clubbing moves? "Mumbo perfected the worm before you were tadpole, Frog!" And as the two were flailing on the ground, Kazooie felt it appropriate to cease the dumb contest immediately.

"BOMBS AWAY!" She spat out an ice egg at Jolly's body, and immediately saw it freeze in place, causing the frog to widen his eyes and stay on the ground to shiver and shudder.

"AAAH! Can't.. move.. can't.. shake my cute rump.. ooer.." The amphibian glared up at Kazooie flying off and growled, attempting to get up. "No.. fair! DISQUALIFIED! THAT'S.. INTERFERENCE!" And the crowd is jeering at Jolly's lack of moves as he laid down on the ground, failing to get up and missing some serious beats!

"Oh, shame on you all! SHAME! I'M PERFECT AND FABULOUS, OOER!" A moving shadow suddenly appeared before him, revealed to be Mumbo looking down at him.

"Frog remember when not serve Mumbo's kind in pub?"

The frog stammered, not liking his tone. "N-no..?"

"Well, Mumbo do. _Hit it!_"

The poppy club beat stopped, and was soon replaced with a folksy Russian tune. Suddenly Jolly saw Mumbo don a ushanka and a telogreika. Soon as the tune started, the shaman started to cross his arms and squat dance in front of him, kicking him in the gut with one foot and the other!

"AHH! Stop-OW! STOP THAT! YOU'LL REGRET THIS!" As the ice was wearing off, Banjo and Jingaling made their move and tackled the frog to the ground. The king using his large physique to good use by holding him down, and Banjo looking for where the chip was located on Jolly.

"Aaah, get off of me! I don't like the rough stuff!"

Banjo ignored the constant innuendos and searched Jolly's person to find the chip. Not on his neck, arm, head, back, chest.. then he looked down at Jolly's rear end.

_The chip was sticking out of his pants from the back._

King Jingaling blinked, ".. Oh, hell no."

Whilst Mumbo was Russian dance kicking Jolly in the face, the other three glazed at each other with worry and hesitation. That witch had a sick sense of humor.

".. Onetwothree not it!" Kazooie suddenly rang out, leaving Banjo confused for a minute. "Guh?"

"Not it!" The king replied.

"Not— D'OOOOH!" Banjo whined, gritting his teeth. Today was not his day. He set a reminder for himself to get back at Kazooie one of these days. But that'll have to wait, Mumbo's legs were slowing down!

With a shiver and a long groan, the disgusted bear reached deep into Jolly's pants to grab at the chip, pulling it out as he briefly touched at other stuff he didn't want to think too much about.

"NO! DON'T TOUCH THAT, IT'S SENSITIVE!" The frog yelped.

Gritting his teeth; Banjo yoinked the sticky, slimy chip off of Jolly as the game suddenly glitches out of existence. No more was the obnoxious music or flashy light show, but Jolly on the ground, unconscious and dazed.. and his face somehow hurting. Mumbo made sure to stop before he came to, but that was some well deserved payback. Banjo, on the other hand, had a bunch of regrets as he immediately threw aside the chip. He needed a sink, stat.

"Oooeeeeer.. what happened?" Jolly looked back and saw Jingaling, Kazooie and Banjo on top of him, but his eyes only laid on Banjo.

"Oooer, teddy bear! I knew you had these feelings for me!~" the frog happily gleamed. Immediately, Banjo leapt off of him and gagged.

After a quick explanation, and Jolly agreeing to help in any way he can, it was time for LOG to get one of his chips back. Kazooie inserted the chip in his monitor, and the god gleamed once again.

"AaaAAAAA**AAA.** I feel a bit better.. although I feel the need to ask why this specific chip is rather oily."

"Don't ask, just open the next portal." Kazooie was absolutely done with dancing for now.

"Impatience is a virtue that will land you in disappointment, avian." The god absolutely was wondering why one of his precious video game chips were slimy, but it was better to not dwell on it if the heroes were to save him and his position. He nevertheless opened up the next portal.. to _Humba Instinct_.

".. is this a fighting game?" Banjo asked before gulping. "Ah don't fancy fighting games."

"FIGHTING GAME?!" Kazooie felt her beak go agape, and she immediately dragged a resisting Banjo into the portal, with everyone else following suite. One wonders what will await them, but one thing that didn't occur to them just yet, is that the next game would be a killer.

Killer, killer, oh she's a killer.


	6. Humba Instinct

A loud screech was heard in a far-away control room, the sound of a wicked witch angrily smacking the controls as she saw that dumb bear and bird get three chips already! Gruntilda's hissing and growling even outdid Piddles' own hissing, which quite scared her!

"This cannot be, they've gotten three! If I don't make haste, they'll get to me!" Her games were being ruined, one by one! By that stupid Banjo and his lame friend Kazooie.. the mere thought of those two made her water tank of a head boil. Gruntilda looked down at the monitor on where their next game was headed and suddenly got an idea.

"Fighting those two might excel, but they'll both lose, I can tell!" In a sudden horror sting, she withdrew a black device. The bane of every gamer's existence, the _Game Genie._

"A little code here, a little hack there.." The witch soon input a bunch of unfair cheap winning moves that could one-hit kill anyone that stood in her way.

"Let's see that sap win, that stupid ol' bear! AAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA- hack-cough- _wheeze_!" The witch had gotten into another coughing fit, and set her palm upon one of the control panels to steady herself, lest her haggy nature becomes her undoing.

—

Our heroes; Banjo, Kazooie, Mumbo, Jingaling and Jolly, trounced in the portal to a certain gore fest of a genre, and caught themselves blindsided by a cold breeze wildly hitting their fur. It was enough to make Mumbo's skirt flip over, as he hurriedly covered himself with a blush. "Brbrbrrrr! Mumbo not used to cold, should've brought warmer loincloth!"

"I do concur," the Jinjo King replied, keeping his robe down to the chagrin or Jolly's delight. "It's pretty annoying having to keep my staff in check." Kazooie wished those two paragraphs never happened.

They were all standing on top of a skyscraper in the middle of the night, various building lights and building posters illuminating the scenery as a dark techno sound played in the distance.

"So uh," Banjo scratched his head, unknowing to what had awaited them. "Ah'm not exactly fighter savvy," said the liar who got into Smash some time ago, "what type of fighter are we in? Hopefully it's not too gory.."

Suddenly Kazooie cracked up laughing, unable to stop as she facepalmed. "Pahahaha, oh man! You won't BELIEVE how gory fighting games get!"

This made Banjo gulp, and when Kazooie says something will get gory fast, oh it'll become a _bloodbath_. In fact he was kinda regretting not going for another portal, but if it was to save their friends..

"Uh, was that thing always there?" Jolly pointed out at the shadowy figure that suddenly appeared before them, obscured entirely except the purple overtones that made up their lights.

Coming out of the shadows, it turned out to be Humba Wumba, dressed completely in a skimpy green leotard, boots, flowing hair and a revealing window.

"Humba!" Banjo realized in horror that they were to have to go against a woman, and he was raised better than that! Then again, Gruntilda..

"Good heavens woman, Your outfit is most revealing!" King Jingaling said what everyone was thinking as he shielded his eyes with his cape, "What would your glowbos at home think of this debauchery?"

The skull-faced shaman, however, was not impressed nor enticed with such casual revealing outfits worn by his biggest rival. Mumbo brought out his long staff and twirled it around in his hand.

"Hurrhurr.. Mumbo always knew Dumba Wumba was loose and easy. Brave Mumbo take down stupid fake easily. Fake shaman had this long time coming." Immediately the shaman charged with his stick about to smack Humba across the face, and it honestly felt too scary how willing he was to do so that quickly.

Banjo cried, reaching out his hand to try and stop the shaman. "Mumbo no, you don't know what she can-"

It was far too late however, as Humba Orchid started punching and kicking Mumbo across his skull, relentlessly beating and tearing into him, before tiger uppercutting him across the stage and off the building.

"AAAAAAA TELL MUMBO'S STORYYYYY!"

"This.. might be a problem." Kazooie said, even if she enjoyed watching Mumbo get the shit kicked out of him.

**SUPREME VICTORY! **An announcer voice said from Banjo's mouth before he shut himself up. He had no idea where that came from and it scared him.

"Pffft, what was that?" The bird was in disbelief that the kind of voice came out of her best friend. The bear wouldn't say a word though, as he was seeing Humba slowly turn her attention against them, glaring down our heroes with a fierce stare.

"We might wanna run, Kazooie."

"Banjo, what's the worst she could ever do? It's not like that overpowered sudden attack was because of.. a.. code.."

The four heroes looked at each other and immediately ran in opposite directions, screaming. Humba targeted the King of all Jinjos first, running to him and roundhouse kicking him across the face to the ground. He lisped in pain, "AAARGK! I tink she bwoke mah jaw!"

"Banjo sweetie, I think it's time you use your parrot as a weapon?" The effeminate frog looked over at Banjo as he realized he had Kazooie. "D'oh, right!"

Grasping Kazooie, he aimed her right at Humba and started firing grenade eggs, fire eggs, even Kinder eggs! To no effect however, as Humba grabbed the bird and tossed her aside with a squawk!

"Kazooi- ggurk- Gah!" The bear suddenly felt his neck being clamped down by harsh fingernails, Humba had his throat in the air!

You know what else was in the air? Humba's knee revving up for a full frontal assault..

"Humba no, what are yuh doing..?!"

But before Kazooie could come back in and save his friend, the possessed shaman gave a swift and painful kick to Banjo in the crotch. This made Banjo howl in pain in a higher pitch than anyone heard from him. "_GWOOOAAAOH_!"

Humba was suddenly tackled by the breegull, scratching her and trying to do some damage on her but to no avail. "Why, won't, you, just, die!?"

"Humba killer." The native merely replied as she punched Kazooie in the gut, kicking her aside to where Banjo and Jolly were, with Jingaling crawling up to them in pain.

"I didn't expect my life to end this way.." King Jingaling muttered, to which Kazooie replied, "no one did. I just assumed you would be poisoned by one of your subjects after years of treason under your rule."

"Not.. funny." The king sputtered.

Gruntilda was watching all of this from a television screen, as was getting giddier by the second. This was going perfectly! The game was already over before it began, and she knew it! Now for the finisher.

"The game is set, you're all to die!" She pressed a button to unleash the finishing move for Humba Orchid. "The Isle O Hags will still be mine!"

For her finishing move, Humba Orchid did the most obscene thing anyone could have ever programmed in any game. She unzipped the front of her green leotard, preparing to take out her stunning boo- I mean moves, and flashed the entire group of E-rated characters! Banjo was absolutely stunned, gasping at the sight and promptly fainted with blood spilling down his nose.. probably from previous injuries, I hope. Jingaling gasped and was just speechless, and Kazooie was merely staring with a faint blush. Jolly though?

He stood in front of the group with a smirk. "Ooer, girlfriend, is that what you call impressive?" The bold frog waved a hand oh so gayly, sassy making his way towards her to slap her across the face. _Catfight_!

Humba did nothing except remain shocked by how her booby trap didn't work, before getting another slap across the face, then two more, then a purse smack from Jolly's compartment!

Gruntilda was just staring, no reaction to what was happening on the monitor. ".. The heck is this? This is too much, I'm going to just go break for lunch." Completely flabbergasted at the sight, she scampered off into another room to make herself a rotten egg and mushroom sandwich, complete with witch's brew and actual sand.

"Alright, this is getting ridiculous." Kazooie rolled her eyes. She stood up and flew overhead at Humba and Jolly, spitting down bombs of eggs upon Jolly and Humba.. Mostly Humba.

"Aak! Eek! Aak! Eek!" Humba repeated, being ULTRA COMBO'd to oblivion before the finishing slap by Jolly knocked her out onto the ground.

K.O.! JOLLY WINS!

"Yatta!" Jolly spun around and blew a kiss to the fourth wall. "Go home and be a family woman!"

Uh-huh. Kazooie really just wanted this chapter to be over with, and to see how Banjo and the others were like after the.. Ahem, special viewing. It didn't take much to locate the chip lodged inside Humba's skin, it was on the scalp of her head hidden by her hair! And with a quick dislodge, the building stage and glimmers of the city were gone, as everyone was back in the mainframe with LOG.

Everyone woke up in a daze, confused as to what was going on, also Mumbo fell from the sky onto the ground. Ouch.

"Hrbrbrbr! .. is Mumbo dead? Did Mumbo go to big tiki hut in the sky? Where are beach babes massaging Mumbo's back?" Alas to his disappointment, he saw his eyes upon Humba. "Oh, it just you."

"Mrrrrggh.. Humba confused as to what happened, have headache.. bigger now that dumb shaman here."

The Lord of Games weakly hobbled over and fell in front of Kazooie, looking up at her and practically begging for the chip like a dying patient.

"Okay okay, hold on." As Kazooie was putting the chip in place, Jolly was just crossing his arms.

"Harumph, you should be ashamed of yourself, gurlfriend. Showing off your goods like _that_!"

"Goods what?" Humba was confused, and _somebody _had to tell her what happened.

"Guhhh, you all got teleported into games designed by Gruntilda, and she made you into this powerful kickboxing champion!"

A kickboxing champion? Humba wasn't.. entirely opposed to such a position. "Humba no see big whoop about it, think it kinda awesome."

The king finally got up from his video game induced coma, "oh, did we mention that you showed off your.. rather impressive mammaries?"

"... My _what?_"

"Oh for Chris' sake- WE ALL SAW YOUR BREASTS!" Kazooie yelled at the moment she installed the latest chip into LOG, turning him on. This absolutely horrified Humba.

"Humba did WHAT?!" Mumbo's eyes widened, remembering he completely was out of commission for the entire match and missed the peep show.

"Mumbo missed seeing Humba's b-b-brbrbrb- Ahem. Well, Mumbo not need see it. P-probably saw better." He blushed, trying to keep his uninterested composure as Jolly and Humba scoffed.

"Peh, shaman big heap pig. No see any man who respect lady for mind."

"Mm," Jolly retorted, "Tell me about it, sister. No wonder I didn't welcome him in my bar."

"**A-a-**ah, you found the next chip! W-well done.." The Lord of games muttered, in a better state than he was 4 to 5 chapters ago. "And you've saved your friend, again. I'm rather impressed, I figured the hasbeen bear and bird would've given up by now."

"Hey, we're the ones saving your two-bit hard drive."

"KAZOOIE!" Banjo scolded.

"No no, she's right.. I will be opening another portal in a bbb**b**bb**b**b**it. GGggET** readadady.." The Lord glitched, conjuring up another portal.

"Ahem.. uh, I would rather sit out the next couple of portals," Jingaling said, holding his head. "I did promise to stick by to take down the witch, but.." He blinked and only saw what he could think about.. and didn't like it. "Twig can tend to me, but I'd rather not slow the rest of you down." Twig suddenly latched onto Jingaling's back and started to give him a back massage for the troubles.

Banjo nodded and smiled, "It was at least nice for ya to come along and help us out, King Reneeding!"

"Jingaling." Twig and the king replied blankly.

"Right, Twivesting!" Banjo happily gleamed and looked at the portal, all mathy like.

"Oh uh.. what is all this?"

"That would be Bottles Age, simple bear." LOG explained, "A game that tests your mental age, and how fast you can solve puzzles!"

"Puzzles? Ah like puzzles."

Kazooie, on the other hand? "Ugh, the fun had to end sometime."

And so, everyone sans LOG, Twig and Jingaling leapt into the portal to Bottles Age. What will become of our heroes? Will Kazooie open up her tastes to other game genres? Find out next time in Banjo-Threeie!


End file.
